Portrayal
by ZaKai
Summary: Ed thinks about his life as he gets ready for the day. [EdxRoy Onesided?] One shot.


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**Portrayal**

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Ed looked in the mirror at the dark circles under his eyes and sighed. Yet another night where sleep had escaped him. He splashed some cold water on his face and blindly reached over for the towel.

Sleepless nights were not unusual for him. Stress and worry combined with all the thoughts and ideas he had about where and how to find the stone kept him from reaching any sort of restful state.

Unfortunately, Al never slept so to not worry his brother Ed had to pretend to be asleep even when he wasn't. It made for an even longer night...

He grabbed the brush that was lying next to the sink and pulled it through his thick blond hair and thought that maybe today he would cut it. He stopped brushing for a moment and stared at his reflection.

Maybe not.

Ed put the brush down and divided the hair into three sections then began to braid them together. He couldn't even remember now why he'd grown it out in the first place, but if he cut it then they might suspect something was different...

No.

Better to leave it long.

He wanted to be consistent for Al.

His brother couldn't change, so why should he?

Ed wrapped the end of the braid in the hair-tie and looked at himself again. At sixteen, he'd have to say that he was quite good looking. Out of the corner of his eye, he'd seen girls look at him, but of course he ignored them.

Al couldn't have girls, so why should he?

Besides, it wasn't really girls that he thought about...

Ed grabbed his deodorant from the drawer, pulled the cap off and applied it with a frown.

Al didn't need deodorant, but unfortunately he did.

Tossing the deodorant back in the drawer, Ed leaned in toward the mirror and examined his face. He'd heard that some people started shaving around his age, but he didn't need to. Ed wasn't sure if he should be happy about this, or not. On one hand it just added to the fact that his body wasn't maturing as fast as it should, on the other hand it was nice to not have to worry about it. Maybe when he started getting facial hair, he'd grow a beard...

An image of his father came to mind and Ed scowled.

Maybe not.

Walking over to the toilet, Ed pulled his flaccid member out of his boxers and began fondling himself. He grinned stupidly as his thoughts turned to the man who made his heart beat hard and fast in his chest.

It didn't take long for him to become hard at the thought of 'hard and fast', though what he was thinking of had nothing to do with his heart. Ed leaned over the toilet a bit, laid his hand on the wall to balance himself as he climaxed, and let the thick white cum drip into the toilet water.

"Brother, are you almost done in there?" Al's voice came through the door.

"Yep," he answered back vaguely. "Just finishing up. Be out in a few."

He sighed and flushed the toilet.

His brother didn't know of his fantasies, didn't know about how often he jerked off, and Ed thought that perhaps it was better that way.

Al couldn't do this, so he shouldn't either...but he couldn't help it.

Ed quickly washed his hands, then began pulling his pants on. He felt ashamed that he didn't think about girls the way that _normal_ people did. He was pretty sure there was something wrong with him. After all, it was normal to want to be with someone of the other sex, not...

He shook his head and grabbed his jacket off the towel rack.

Ed felt pretty sure it wasn't natural to have perverted thoughts about his _male_ commanding officer, but so what? It wasn't as if anyone knew. The man would never find out, so what was the harm?

The young alchemist pulled his arms through the jacket sleeves and sighed.

None of it really mattered anyway. What mattered was that they find the stone and get Al back to normal. That was his first priority.

Ed pulled out his gloves and looked down when his stomach growled.

Another thing Al couldn't do...

With another sigh, Ed again looked at himself in the mirror. He looked the same as always and that was good. He couldn't change. It just wouldn't be right. That was why he always tried to find the same type of silver lined jacket as he grew out of them... But of course, he had changed, and no amount of getting the same clothes would stop it from being true. Ed was no longer the little boy who had foolishly tried to transmute his mother.

Day by day, he was becoming an adult, and he had to do things that he hadn't had to do as a child, like...wear deodorant... But he also thought more like an adult, he could tell that he was becoming more calm, and sober. He also thought about things like dating, and having sex...

But because Al didn't change, he wouldn't either.

At least, not on the outside.

To the world he would still be as immature as ever. He'd rant about his height, and call the man he lusted after a bastard. He'd still play stupid jokes on people and do careless things that would most certainly get him into trouble.

But on the inside he would be different.

When he was alone, he would be who he really was. He would be someone who was just barely becoming content with himself, even if he wasn't as tall as he'd like. In the privacy of his own mind, he would go out on dates with his commanding officer and have great sex every night, and be respected by the same people he was trying to convince he was still as childish as ever.

With one last look in the mirror at the man he was becoming, Ed opened the door and bounded out of the room, trying to play the role of the child he used to be.

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**Er…let's just file this away under: "What the hell was Z thinking when she wrote this?"**

**Anyone like this at all?**


End file.
